This page really needs a name

12:59am:  How do you kill a monster that wont die?

12:16am: Never been more....

Frustrated


and Tired.



Cant type
Cant think
Cant do anything


Just going to sleep
and hope 
and hope when I wake up



Goodnight

11:32pm: I have always read in 1 Corinthians about how love is patient and love is kind and all that other stuff. But I heard this today and was in awe of it. 



1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;^[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

10:58pm: ... When Christianity becomes just another religion, it focuses on requirements. Just to keep people in line, we build our own Christian civilization and then demand that everyone who believes in Jesus become a good citizen. It's hard to imagine that Jesus would endure the agony of the Cross just to keep us in line.....


-an exert from The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus

12:56am: He was so grieved that he got up, tore his robe, shaved his head, and fell on the ground crying out to God.

...

3:52pm: Some bands say it better....
But when I say let's keep in touch,
I really mean I wish that you'd grow up.

10:37pm: Soooo.......... Whats up with me.

I was asked a few weeks ago to go on tour and sell for a band. To be honest, I dont know if they still are even considering it. If we would have left last week, and asked me the day before they left, I would already be gone. I really just want to go hang out in other towns I have never been to. No real responsibility. Just hanging out all the time. But I have been thinking about it, and will probably turn them down if they ask me. I just realized that there are tons of things that I love about being at home. Friends, road trips, swimming, tons of other stuff, and then school. For the first time, I will be doing summer school. Not excited. Classes are from 7:30 to 2:30. Not fun.

4:41am: Romans 8:28 (This Post isn't as long as it looks)
And we know that God causes ALL THINGS to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

When that verse says "all things," I knew it meant lots of things....but ALL THINGS???

I was letting a guy from work read my Taro Cards. I don't take it seriously at all, but no one would let him read theirs, so I said he could read mine. I also figured it wouldn't hurt to learn a little more about something I have no knowledge about at all. The guy was not a professional so he would look at a card and read what it meant out of a book. It was very vague at first. I thought most of the cards could apply to any situation. But it got to the card where it said something like "You need to focus less on other and focus more on yourself," and something about "Silence and Solitude."

I was like Woahhhh.

The reason I was blown away was because I have been really struggling with realizing that I need God. I'm pretty sure that I somehow got it into my mind that God had fixed me. I didn't do anything "bad" and didn't plan on breaking any "rules." I got into my mind that now I am fixed and all I need to do now is tell someone about him and he will fix them. ....AND YOU CAN BE FREE OF SIN IN JUST A FEW EASY STEPS.... Man that is soo not it at all. (See Post on Jan 13th for lyrics of a song that paint a similar picture)

The Reality is... I can never let someone know how much they need God UNLESS I can show how much I NEED GOD. I can NEVER show someone God's love UNLESS I can show how much I NEED GODS LOVE. I need to understand my need for Grace before I try to tell someone about something "I have no need for."

The Silence and Solitude phrase comes into the time we are supposed to share with God daily. Some call it a quiet time....but I think that phrase sucks. Silence and Solitude is pretty much just focusing on God with no other distractions. Not really reading, or praying, or thinking but just listening. Pretty much Meditation. I think about how I need either company or music or some type of noise all the time. I even need a fan to sleep. It is something I have experienced and it was awesome. I know I need it. I just dont take time out of my schedule to do it. It something I have been thinking about as well.

I dont feel like I have explained somethings very well. I want to go into more detail about some, but for the sake of it being to lengthy, Im stopping. Plus its really late...or really early??

2:21am: Fealty- The oath by which a vassal swore loyalty to his lord
I've never looked it up till now.
All the times I read it.
It brings back mixed feelings.

4:41pm: Today
Riding with
the windows down
and
the music up


Nothing better

2:48pm: To you....
I feel like there are so many problems going on with people around me. Problems that I would like to help these people through but they are problems that I really cant help fix. Things like addiction, death, family problems. Things that I wish I could somehow relate to and tell how I was able to make it through. But the truth is that as much as I want to, I will never be in there shoes. I cant say "Hey i know how you feel. But don't worry cause I got through it, or this is how you fix it, or whatever insensitive solution I could come up with. All I feel I can do is pray but for some that still means nothing. There is also a scripture that I want to share. But again, to some its nothing, just wasted time I spent typing. I hope that my prayers and this scripture can give just the smallest amount of encouragement.

I am a man who has seen affliction
Under the rod of his wrath
Into darkness without any light
Against me he turns his hand
My flesh & my skin waste away
He has broken my bones
Bitterness and tribulation
He has made me dwell in darkness
I can not escape
He has made my chains heavy
I call and cry for help
He shuts out my prayers
A bear lying in wait for me
A lion in hiding
He has made me desolate
He bent his bow
And set me as a target for his arrows
He drove into my kidneys
The arrows of his quiver
The laughing stock of all peoples
Bitterness
My teeth grind on gravel
I have forgotten what Happiness is
Remember my affliction and wanderings
My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me
BUT this I call to mind
And Therefor I have hope....
THE STEADFAST LOVE OF THE LORD NEVER CEASES
HIS MERCIES NEVER COME TO AN END


-Lamentations 3:1-22 (not word for word though)

2:49am: ........
I love you
But I cant stand the monster you are becoming.

Stop being open minded.
Bring back the hatred you once had.

12:33am: unless you can part my ribs like the sea
and make stone beat, then there's no hope for me

unless the east never meets the west
unless you set my sin between your shoulderblades
and forget

part my ribs like the sea and change me
'cause stone doesn't beat
and rock hearts don't pump anything
but I've grown not to mind because at least
stone doesn't sling like blood
or spill like guts across the floor
where the bloodsuckers want more and more and more


-As Cities Burn

1:33pm: Last night was great.
Nothing better than Metal
and Good friends.

11:37pm: They say that good boys walk straight on white lines.
Good boys keep their livers clean,
And smoke out of their lungs.
'Cause it's all about what you've done,
Good boys don't make mistakes to learn from.

'Cause when heaven comes,
They won't be caught being young.

Grace make your way to the well,
To those who deserve it.
After all they've earned it.
But vain, it's in vain,
'Cause they don't need it.

They're steady, steady breathers,
Who won't lift a finger for the gasping weaker.
You just hoard your hollow completion,
Like it's something wearing thin.
Like it's gonna get you in, When heaven comes.

'Cause when heaven comes,
I swear it comes in love.

Grace make your way to the well,
To those who deserve it.
After all they've earned it.
But vain, it's in vain,
'Cause they don't need it.

Now I let go of your hand somewhere between,
Love and what it demands of me.

Grace make your way.

-As Cities Burn, The Hoard




..... Pretty self explanatory but this song is kicking me in the teeth.

1:51am: So after the Naugher family christmas, I sat in my parents hot tub and smoked a cigar.

How awesome am I?

hahaha j/k

4:33pm: I paid my Alabama Bill today. THey charged me twice though. Now Im overdrawn. I just got through be ing overdrawn on my checking account. Regions cant do anything but put the charge on hold. The charge could be back on my account as soon as tomorrow. The Alabama offices are closed....... until January 2. So Im pretty much screwed until then.

1:23am: ATL Tomorrow.

I also need more christmas money.
Like 100 bucks more. Scratch That. I forgot about the warranty. I need....
Like 250 bucks more.

12:09am: Soooo.... Had a few things this week that were frustrating. Feel like I need to vent about them. On saturday I Overdrew my Check account. I had actually tried to check my balance online the day before I found out, but the website was down. The Bank I use charges me each time I used it and not on the amount I spend. It ended up costing me 124 extra dollars on 4 Five dollar charges. Luckily I got it reduced to 62 dollars. this was frustrating because I have been trying to be less dependent on my parents for things I need. And my mom had to transfer money to my account to cover up my mistake.

THEN.....

I got home from work and was checking on our Hot water heater because it wasn't working, when I realized the dogs were not in the yard. (By dogs I mean Hollywood, my bulldog, and Kyzer, a German Shepherd my dad and i found.) This was around 6 O'clock. I talked to a neighbor and they had seen them out at 130. I was completely overwhelmed by this. I just couldn't grasp where they could be. So we formed a search party. I have some of the best friends ever. They came and helped look till eleven. Looking on the train tracks was actually pretty fun and exciting. But we didn't find them that night. We had prayed about it before we started looking and just asked that God's will to be done. If we werent supposed to find our dogs, we at least wanted them to be safe or have a good home. But I ended up going to bed late that night. I got up the next morning and checking the Animal Control office and they were both their. I actually about got emotional when I walked around a corner and saw Hollywood lying on the ground looking so pitiful, then jumping on the fence when she saw me. Finding them was one of the greatest feelings I've ever experienced. That's all.

P.S. THIS SONG IS AWESOME TOO!!!






"This Is Who We Are"

Patience, child it will find you
Your deepest dreams will guide you
the moment that you're born
all night my fear inside will come through
haunting right behind you
don't let it get that far

Somehow
breathe a little deeper now
cause this is who we are
when we look into their eyes
don't fly so high
so high little bird
you'll get your wings clipped
we'll pick it up, pick it up
now you've learned

Searching
for moment that defines you
your deepest dreams remind you
get out before you're gone
Now that all you hear is what surrounds you
push it out, give it out
from around you
never stop and you will find it all

Somehow
breathe a little deeper now
cause this is who we are
when we look into their eyes
don't fly so high
so high little bird
you'll get your wings clipped
we'll pick it up, pick it up
now you've learned

So we decide...
We decided
We decide this now
So find out how we can survive
How we can survive
If we learn how to live our lives
If we learn how to live...

Somehow
breathe a little deeper now
cause this is who we are
when we look into their eyes
don't fly so high
so high little bird
you'll get your wings clipped
pick it up, pick it up
now you've learned

4:15am: Insomniac
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Seriously. Why cant I sleep.
Wake up in two and a half hours.
Crap.

12:05am: I have no idea what you're going through.
Im not even going to pretend,
Or try to make up something encouraging to say.
Just know Im here if you need anything.
I love you man.

12:33am: It has been WAAAAYYY too long....
So I haven't made a post on here in forever. Sooooo.... Life is good. No drama. No worries. I feel like I haven't done much lately, when in all reality, I have done plenty. Just only with a select few people and in select locations. Halo 3 came out. Its awesome. I get enjoyment from playing it. Especially with people I know. You can call me a loser, but I don't care. You probably just suck at it. Hunter and Michael Penuel moved in with Conor and I. SO we have a full house again. Its pretty awesome. Michael told us before they moved in that we would see every inch of hunters body, and so far he has been right. His attire for walking from his room to the shower is a sock. I went a saw Animosity, BTBAM, And HORSE the Band. It might be one of the best shows I've ever been too. Animosity was brutal. They were playing for like 2 mintutes and a fight broke out. BTBAM was amazing. They played their newest CD Colors (which is AMAZING) from start to end. Flawless. BUT the best performance was HORSE. They were heavy and fun. such a great combination. UMMMMM. I fixed our showerhead today. Its not a big deal. I just feel productive. Thats about it. Ohh yeah. Hollywood is awesome. She needs a bath though. Come see us.

Oh yeah. Cartels newest CD is great. Its been out a little while but still fantastic.

12:21pm: So, What's going on the 4th?

8:38am: This will be harder than expected.............




If I havent hung out with you in a while, Im sorry. Im a horrible friend. Im going to have more free time though. So if you want to forgive me and hang out, give me a call.

9:30am: She's Moving?!?!?!!?
..Its only for the summer though....And Only like an hour away.. But still. Im worried about how I will handle it. I have grown very used to her being only 5 minutes away and seeing her everyday. Im crazy about her. I dont want things to change...but it is because of my selfish reasons. She is moving for great reason..Money for missions.. I mean....thats awesome... I wish I wasnt so worked up about it about...... I just need to pray.....